Sally's been reading romance novels, and decides to try out her fantasies on Don; Dick thinks the college cafeteria's cashier hates him; Harry receives surprising results on his GED exam.

After Mary is made the new Dean of the School of Arts and Sciences, Dick uses her position to his advantage and ends up firing his arch nemesis, cafeteria worker Lucy, who then files a grievance. Sally prepares to lose her virginity to Don, but afterwards finds that she cannot talk to anyone about it, much to the other Solomons' annoyance.

Dick attends a function with Mary and finds that, because she is Dean, he is ignored by everybody except the wives of the other Deans. In order to prove his worth, he decides to hold a fashion show to raise enough money to have the dilapidated statue of Admiral Pendleton restored. Meanwhile, Sally is horrified when she learns that Don had dated other women before her, and strives to track them all down. Harry and Tommy try to raise their own funds by setting up a lemonade stand.

Dick is annoyed that Mary, in her new position as Dean, has little time for him anymore, and is even more annoyed when he is told that he has to share is office with new professor Jennifer Ravelli. Despite his initial dislike, and attempts to stay loyal to Mary, he soon begins to fall for Ravelli. Sally tries to fix Nina up with Don's cop friend Eric, but becomes irritated when they don't take to each other. At Happy Doug's bar, Tommy fixes up an old 'love tester' machine but is disappointed when it classifies him as 'cold fish' and Harry 'hot stuff'.

When Harry's boss Doug starts deducting income tax from Harry's paycheck, the Solomons realize that they have never filed a tax return and that they owe $9500 to the government. To combat this, they invent the 'brilliant' notion of lying on their tax return and Dick reworks the sums so that the government owes them several hundred thousand dollars. Sally attempts to help by setting up a failed home hairdressing business, but when women start arriving for haircuts, Harry and Tommy 'camp up' and take to the 'salon' to help. Lying doesn't work, however, and the Solomons are faced with an audit - and the threat of being exposed as aliens.

When a meeting is rescheduled without her having been notified, Mary begins to have doubts about the longevity of her position as Dean, and Dick leads her to become paranoid that there is a conspiracy to have her removed from her job. The pair decide to investigate, and end up breaking into Judith's office by night for evidence, only to be caught by the police. Vicki Dubcek decides that the best thing Sally needs to help her get over her break up with Don is a weekend of riverboat gambling on the Cincinnati Queen, a floating casino - where Harry manages to win big, while Sally gets her lips on a Neil Diamond impersonator.