A darkly magical realist re–telling that definitely isn't for kids

If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with "Merry Christmas" on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.

• Charles Dickens; A Christmas Carol. In Prose. Being a Ghost Story of Christmas (1843)

I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me.

• A Christmas Carol

Frank Cross: I get it. You're taking... read the rest.

Nudity, the f-word, witches, child molestation, public urination, grave desiccation, hatred, prostitution, and it all ends on a nice note of spite... and I guess those changes were added in to make it politically correct?

I guess the old milktoast ghost story about redemption wasn't politically correct enough, so adding in the f-word, witches, child molestation, and prostitution... all somehow made it more politically correct.

In this version women all have magic powers, because women, and can use them to spite people, and it all ends on the uplifting note that there are more men to smite... read the rest.